10 days out, my first reward.

Today I went for my post op, I am doing great and have 2 more weeks on my liquid diet. As I start to get back into cooking for my family I do want more variety but for the most part I am okay dealing with liquids, they are safe.

After I left the doctor's office I took the girls to preschool, loaded with a yummy bagged lunch and their Easter baskets (1.00 baskets from Family Dollar, they were ecstatic). They begged me to stay and have lunch with them and help with the Easter Egg Hunt, I agreed. So off we went. I was able to see what they do during class time and meet their friends. And I have to tell you that their teachers are amazing. One of the teachers taught our 15 year old when she is was in prek. They love those kiddos and love their jobs and you can tell.

After class time we headed out for lunch, outside, on a towel, on the ground. I was so nervous. However I will have you know that this Mama was able to sit on the ground with her kiddos and have lunch. Not only that I also helped them pickup Easter Eggs and I wasn't winded or hurting after. It was the best feeling. The girls kept telling me, Mama it was so much fun having you eating on the ground with us. I am so glad I decided to go ahead with this surgery. I don't want to miss out on any more memories like this! Nothing tastes as good as today with my girls felt!

8 days post-op, my happy little surprise.

   
This morning I got up with the mindset that I would wear smaller clothes, by goodness. I have lost a little over 50lbs so I should be able to. I tried on the bridesmaid dress that I wore back in October in my best friend Nicole's wedding. The bodice was alot bigger now than in October, however the waist not so much. Then I remembered that it was very snug then because it was made too small and that made me feel some better. Then I came across a pair of jeans that I had bought like 5 years ago and have never worn. They fit perfectly and I even have a waist!!!! Not something I had before. So I wore a cute t-shirt and my jeans out today with flip flops. I felt so girlie and normal it was a great feeling!

What do you mean feeling out of place?

In yesterday's blog I mentioned that my first night home I felt out of place. It was true and unexpected.
It started because I didn't feel comfortable in my bed or on my furniture, the smell of food made me nauseous (my family had to eat) and that made me panic. Did I make a mistake coming home so early, what if having surgery was a mistake? Then that led to anxiety about the fact that I didn't know how to take care of my new pouch, how was I going to do this? All of a sudden everything I had learned all these months made no sense, because I never really thought of how applying it to myself would feel or how difficult  it would be, I really went into this thinking I was going to bounce back immediately, so far I was doing well but that was only 2 days down. I cried like a baby, and it made my stomach drop with a thud, I had 5 children and a husband who would eventually depend on me again and here I didn't know what to do with me.

Getting comfortable in bed was the first step and it helped calm most of the anxiety about the new me. I won't wait to tell you that the days since have been fabulous, not super easy but doable and when I use the tools that help me use my new pouch (ie: support group members, my surgeon, their office staff and my booklet) I get the answers I need to get things back on track. Using your resources is a very important step in this journey.

THE Surgery and my homecoming.

I waited to write because everything seemed to happen at lightning speed. Donald and I went away for 3 days to enjoy some one on one time and attend a Jeremy Camp Concert (I love Jeremy Camp's testimony and the love he has for our Lord) before my bypass. It was a nice time reconnecting, enjoying a new town and meeting new friends.

The Tuesday after we got back I was scheduled for the bypass. The closer and closer I got the more anxious I became. I was confident in my surgical team, my weight loss team but I was terrified of something going wrong that no one could control and leaving my dear husband raising 5 children alone. We had prayed so hard for these children and I had waited so long to become a mother was I being careless? The answer in the end was no, I weighed 405lbs at the beginning of this journey. I had high blood pressure, PCOS, insulin resistance, and reflux. Not to mention it was hard finding seats at the local theater, people stared where-ever I went, which I know sounds vain but it was bothersome at best. I wanted a new life for myself. I wanted to have the energy to get through my days successfully. I didn't want to worry about diabetes, heart attack or stroke later in life. I also wanted to be the best wife and mother to my family and I just couldn't do that without radical weight loss. Back in November in preparation for my surgery I started seeing a doctor in my bariatric practice that specializes in weight loss in a healthy life changing way. By February I had lost 30lbs, this is something I had never been able to do. It was hard, I was enjoying my new eating plan and I felt better than ever. but in the back of my mind I kept asking "When is the PCOS and insulin resistance going to rear their heads and take this away from me? That is when I called and scheduled surgery. So no I didn't feel selfish or careless, but I wanted to be cautious.

So Tuesday morning we headed to the hospital for my 8am appt. Our Pastor arrived right as they took me back to pre-op, he was able to chat with us and pray with us. Then I went back got gowned for the surgery and they started IVs. I was relatively calm until after talking with my surgeon and the reality of my surgery set in, YIKES. I started crying and my surgeon came back in to talk with me and make sure I was okay and that there were no last minute questions or concerns I had...nope...I was just nervous....Then they whisked me back and in between my room in day surgery and the OR they gave me some great meds...because all I remember after that was maybe seeing the OR and a mask being placed on my face.....then I woke up to a male nurse telling me I was okay and that I was going to feel some pain (I was moaning because I had the worse stomach ache I had ever had and I wanted it to stop) then I fell back asleep or they gave me great meds and I woke up in my room to my family and Amber (our 15 yr old) rubbing my hand telling me she loved me.

I slept and woke in waves that first day. I do remember asking every time my eyes opened if I could go walking yet (what was I thinking....oh yeah Dr. Glass told me to walk as soon as I remembered our pre-op conversation). Thankfully I didn't have to walk until midnight that night and it was not bad or unbearable. I felt unsure of my feet but I had 2 nurses helping me down the hall. I made 2 laps that first time...and was at 8 laps by 8am when Dr. Glass made his rounds...he said I was a star patient...I think he was just encouraging me, but I took the complement.

That first 24 hrs ice chips were wonderful. I could only eat about 4 at a time but my mouth was dry and I was thirsty, they were great. My nurses kept a fresh cup within my reach at all times. Then at about 9am I was allowed to drink 1oz of protein every hour...it took me 25-30 mins to conquer my 1ox but I did it...I kept up with my ice chips all was going well.

Then at 4:30 Wednesday they said I could go home. Home???? I panicked, I have 5 kids how am I well enough to go home? I just had major surgery, the doctor said so himself. Surely I could stay. The nurse gave me the option of going home or staying before her 5:00 conference with Dr. Glass....in that 30 mins I had become uncomfortable in my chair and the bed was not any better. So I agreed to go home.

The ride home was uncomfortable, Donald took great care to not jostle me too much. However once we reached our drive way I felt like his truck had run me over. I was eager to get inside and get in my bed. My peace and contentment were shattered about 3 mins later. I couldn't sit or lay on our bed comfortably. The loveseat in our room was no better. My sister was over cooking dinner (which I now see as a sweet gesture) and I instantly became nauseous once food smells filled the house. I got snappy and started crying with everyone. I felt so bad, they had all been so great and here I was being mean. My daddy kneeled down beside me and empathized (he had heart surgery 2 years ago so he knew a thing or two about being uncomfortable) Donald and my mom chatted on the porch to let me get my bearings and in that time my mom came up with the idea of buying a "husband" for the bed. So off to wal-mart she and my dad went. My sister plugged away in the kitchen cooking and entertaining our children and hers, despite my hormonal episode, that is sisterly love. Once the husband was in place and pain meds administered I was comfortable and didn't feel as out of place.

7 days until surgery & Pre-op

Yesterday was my pre-op. We met with Dr. Glass to finalize surgery plans and for a quick physical. Everything went great. He was very pleased with my progress thus far (I lost another 4lbs in the last 5 days!). Then we headed to the hospital for pre-op. I had no clue what to expect. Everyone was super nice and very thorough. They took blood, did and EKG and got my medical history. All paperwork is filled out and my hospital bracelet was ready to go. It still all felt like a dream until the nurse calibrated my spirometer and handed it to me to bring back the day of my surgery. I felt faint and it hit me, this is reality, I am having my gastric bypass in a week!!!! It is funny the things that trigger anxiety.

The liquid diet is going well. The thing I miss the most about eating is the chewing, popsicles help with that. I will continue the liquid diet until my 4th week after surgery, then I can graduate to pureed foods.  I am so scared about what eating will be like after surgery, I am afraid of doing the wrong thing, but thankfully I have an excellent team of doctors to help me through this. And I am encouraged that I have not stopped losing on the liquid diet, for some reason I was worried about that.

I survived another day...

...but not without tears. I called my doctor's office to see if I could have sugar free pudding, they listed sf jello as one of the foods so I was hoping pudding was included, it was not. I got off the phone trying to be strong, but I caved and cried like a 3 yr old over pudding. Then Donald and I went out to the bookstore and to get  dinner for him. Doing the liquid diet is easier for me when I am not at home, not sure why that is, but I do not have a hard time with cravings, etc when out and about. When the cravings do hit I just remind myself that 4 months ago I thought I couldn't do any of this and I have learned that alot of what I was giving into were just feelings. I am not going to die on this liquid diet and it is only temporary, and if I want a new me some pain and discomfort (physically, mentally and emotionally) is going to happen. And all of my cheerleaders/friends have been a HUGE blessing during this, so thank you.

Donald paid me a big complement yesterday. He told me that he sees big changes in my size (for the smaller) since I started the liquid diet. So I cannot wait until Friday when I go to my PCP to change my med forms to weigh in. It also dawned on me this morning that I have no idea what I will look like after I lose this weight. It was both a thrilling and scary thought.I am definitely realizing that there is more to me, in a good way, than I knew.

Day 1 down on to Day 2

Sorry I didn't post the pics of my new gadgets for the bypass. My body is either translating this liquid diet as "I am sick" or I am actually coming down with something. However I think it is a misinterpretation of events. Yesterday was not too bad until dinner time. I even accompanied Donald to Golden Corral for lunch with my chicken broth and crystal light packed in my new thirty-one tote, and did well. Even though our server refused to heat up my broth, grrrr. Cold chicken broth is disgusting, so I stuck with the crystal light.

So today I am hoping to get my pics posted for you all.

Let the Countdown Begin

I decided with my 2 lb weight gain to go ahead with the gastric bypass surgery. Some may say this is too extreme but I have battled my weight for 15 years. I have tried various diets, eating plans whatever you call them to no avail. The low carb diet my doctor has had me on is the first thing to really work, however with that said, when I gained that 2lbs back I realized that I would always battle PCOS, this is what makes my weight loss extremely difficult. Then I looked at the statistics of PCOS going away with gastric bypass and it goes away in a 100% of patients. Now I know that I will always have to stay away from carbs and eat the way my doctors and dietician have taught me but I will then have a very reliable tool to keep the weight off. I have let this weight take enough it is time I reclaim my life for me and my family. I scheduled surgery this past week and the first 2 days I was very melancholy and second guessing my decision. This is when I had to remind myself that I prayed about this for 5 years and never had the peace to even start the process. It was funny I told God that if this surgery was for me then He needed to just bring someone into my life that had this surgery and would just talk to me boldly about it with out them knowing I had thought about it. Last year God brought a dear sweet  lady into my life, Mrs. B. Her grandson attends preschool with our girls. The first day she met me she walked up to me and started telling me about her gastric bypass surgery and how she thought I would benefit, she even used the same practice I had been referred to. God started dealing with me and showing me that if this was in His time I had nothing to fear. So I made my first appointment with Dr. Chasen. At this appointment I learned that Dr. Chasen was relocating and would be leaving the practice. What??? Had I heard God right? I thought He called me to this doctor. The doubts flooded my heart and mind. Then very clearly God spoke to my heart to trust Him to see this journey out. So I went to a seminar where the new doctor was speaking. Dr. Glass takes his job very seriously and truly cares about his patients and their well being.  He is stricter than other Bariatric doctors I have heard of and is too the point, that is exactly what I needed. God showed me that if he called me to Dr. Chasen then he called me to see Dr. Glass since nothing takes Him by surprise. This fact has brought me great peace.

So with that said I start my 2 week liquid diet tomorrow. This is to shrink my liver before the surgery so my doctor has a clear view of my stomach and intestines and also gets me off to a great start on this new weight loss journey. I am hoping it won't be too difficult transitioning since I do have 2 protein shakes a day now, one for breakfast and one for night time snack, and I only eat a small lunch.

I have also found some neat fun dishes and cups to make this journey a little brighter. I will post pics of my goodies tomorrow for you all to see. And please bear with me, this is where I am at right now and I am completely embracing it, so it is pretty much all I talk about. So sit back and come along on the journey of a lifetime, the journey to a new me!