Food, the never ending battle

So I am 2 mos out from my gastric bypass, I surely thought by now I would have this eating thing nailed down. Hah! What a joke...I don't like food. Nothing tastes good and cooking for me seems like a joke since I only eat between 1/4c and a 1/2 c. I think my biggest mistake is cooking separate for me. Before surgery we all ate low carb for dinner and on weekends and it was easy for me to stay on track. I slipped back into the "old way of cooking" after surgery. One thing I have learned is this process is just that a process. So I have armed myself with some new recipes from www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com and will try this food thing again.

The Battle In America

It seems these are uncertain days in America. The economy is insane, there are many people out of work, losing their homes and then we have the marriage debate going on. Through all of this we are suppose to maintain order in our daily lives. How do we do this? I say give it to God. He is the creator of all things, the One Living God, He is more than able to handle this. This reminds me of God's account of Elijah trusting God to show Himself when others were turned to Baal in 1 Kings 18 . If you have not read this chapter I challenge you to. I wanted to stand up and cheer as I finished reading what God chose to do here...this is the same God I serve today. He is able to do anything! I don't believe God wants us pre-occupied with political issues. In His word He gives ALL Christians a direct command to go out and tell the World of Him and His Son dying for their sins. This is what we should be doing as we see things changing around us. This world is not our home, it is not where things will be easy or comfortable for us as children of God and lets not forget that there are many who do not know Him, we should not stand idly by while others die without Him. I say let us be about Our Father's business.

And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.

 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Matthew 28:18-20 KJV

We have decided in our little house to set aside time after dinner each night to pray for our Country, The hearts of Christians living in America (that they would repent and turn from known sin and serve God with new vigor) and for our politicians and leaders (that they not be swayed with peer pressure, worldly influence and that if they are not saved born again children of God, God will set people in their path to witness to them and bring them under conviction that they might be saved.) Will you join us and set aside time to deliberately pray for our nation, it's citizens and leaders. What a testimony to God's Greatness this would be!

ll Chronicles 7:14 KJV  

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Budgeting for Vacation

Our 2nd family vacation is coming up so we are in super frugal, budgeting mode. Donald and I are once again committing to a 31 days of no spending beyond our monthly household bills to make this a good trip. We are also dedicated to being frugal on the way there and back, it just makes sense. When we went to my SIL's wedding in October we took a picnic lunch for the trip, we bought cereal, sandwich stuff for breakfasts and lunches and we were able to spend a weekend in Myrtle Beach for 500.00, this included gas there and back. Now we were treated to a very nice dinner at Joe's Crab Shack thanks to her husband's father, but we even had that money tucked back. Since dinner was taken care of the kids were able to be treated to a candy treat and an ice cream. So we are wanting to do this again, it takes the stress out of vacations, and why spend when you can have just as much fun being frugal?

You existed before me...

Most mothers were there the moment their children were created. They were able to nurture the new life God blessed them with from the beginning. I on the other hand was not there until our children were born and in some cases well into their childhoods. They were nurtured by other mothers, aunts and sometimes family friends. These precious children knew loss well before they should have. When this happens children are forced to grieve in ways many of us could never imagine. They are left with large holes in their emotional well being. Then they are placed in new families and are expected to thrive.

This is not an easy task. I remember when Amber was little well into her pre-teen years she grieved for her birth mother. She didn't understand why her bio-mom wasn't there and it hurt. I remember holding her on many occasion soothing her through tears of my own letting her know it was alright to cry and to miss her bio-mom. After all could I have survived my mom moving away from me at 6 years old? At 29 this would have been devastating, so how much more was it to my daughter? Looking back I think crying with her and allowing her to grieve in her way showed her that I loved her and I was there even when it wasn't easy. There were times I wished that we could just be a family without the grief and hurt, but this was the path we were walking and it would have been foolish to expect a young child to just get over it. There was a natural biological pull to her birth mom, it didn't mean I was unloved, as I have told Amber on many occasions, she has enough love for 2 moms. As the years went on our relationship grew in new ways and she knows that I would never leave her, that I would love her through anything.

A couple of years ago Alex who cried when he found out I wasn't his bio-mom wanted to reach out to his first mom and see what that would be like. I was scared but knew that this was a normal phase, he was missing a part of his life that was no longer there. He loved me but had to know this other part of him. We loved him through this journey, we were there when he had questions and doubts. This too strengthened our bond. He now says it is like I am his biological mother, I know that he had to travel to this road, it wasn't about me, it was about the man he is becoming.

When Amarissa and Annaliese were born and placed with us I read extensively on bonding with adopted infants. We wore them, took advantage of skin on skin snuggling. And were  always there with comfort after a biological parent or caseworker visit, we wanted them to know that we are their parents and would always be there with comfort and love for them.

With Drew, he bonded with Donald immediately. Donald was dad to Drew immediately. It took Drew longer to want to refer to me as mom. He had been hurt and abandoned by the only mother he had ever known and he wasn't sure he needed that type of relationship in his life. I had to come face to face with the possibility that I may only be able to love and care for him in a caregiver role, but I was going to be the best most loving care giver he had ever had. He was my son no matter what. Now we have been a family for almost 5 years and I am his mom through and through. I know that he loves me and we are bonded but in those early days I wasn't so sure.

A conversation tonight put me face to face with some uneasy questions. Why did I bond with my children through so many obstacles? What makes us different than other families who became mom and dad under the same circumstances? And I think the answer is, we chose these children, through good and bad, and there have been both, but these are my children and I am their mom through all of life not just when it is easy for me to be mom. No matter what we wanted them to know that we loved them with all we had even if they rejected it. They know hurt, they know rejection that no human should ever know, and they aren't equipped as children to handle it and we didn't want to add to their hurt and rejection, so we make sure that they know how much they are and were wanted. How hard we fought to get them and to keep them. And how happy we are that God chose us to be their parents. Believe it or not we have had these conversations in the middle of temper tantrums, eye rolling, and rebellion. Children deserve unconditional love. They didn't ask to be born in families that are dysfunctional, selfish and broken, they cope the best they can. We as adoptive parents are to come alongside them and gently train them that they don't have to stay broken. It doesn't have to define who they are. Is it sad, yes it is heart wrenching, but it was an event in their life, not a defining moment. And we strive to show them all that God has brought to them since the hurt and rejection, and all that God gave us the moment He decided to place them in this family. None of this was their choice and it is up to Donald and I to be the adults and raise these children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and for us that means giving them unconditional love just as Christ has given us.

We love him, because he first loved us. I John 4:19

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Romans 8:35

As Christians we are to take Christ's love to the world, what better place to start than in our own home and with our own (step, adopted, grand) children?

***Now please don't think that I think I have it all figured out. I have had alot of love and support in my journey as a step parent and then as a foster/adoptive parent. I learned early that you have to know when to ask for help. Raising children is never easy but they do deserve love.****

Choosing Contentment

My tiny kitchen on a good day.

This week was my breaking point with our home. My kitchen was over flowing with dirty dishes, bins with specialty mixes and foods for our kids with food allergies. The kids were not getting along and all I could think about is how nice it would be to have a big yard the kids could run around in and a house that had enough storage for our things. As Donald walked through the door from work, I blurted out "Can't we sell this place, or rent it out and rent a bigger house? We don't fit anymore!" To which his reply was an understandable "No, sweetie we cannot."

Our home was built in 1974 it is made to fit a family of 4 maybe 5. We are a family of 7. Most days we make it work, some days the house wins. As I fussed about our family size in relation to our house size my Heavenly Father gently reminded me that we own our home, it keeps us dry, warm/cool and safe. We have been blessed enough to stay here the past 8 years, so it is where we have raised our children and will continue to do so. It gives them roots and for that I am grateful. In 1 Timothy 6:6-8 this is what God has to say about contentment  6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out . 8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. Nowhere in this passage does God mention a large showy home, He says if we have food and clothing let us be content, how much more have I been blessed with? So this week I have been decluttering, reorganizing and choosing contentment. Contentment, being positive and upbeat is truly a choice. We can focus on what we think we are lacking or we can see the beauty and gifts that we are blessed with daily. God only gives us one life, I don't want to waste it focusing on junk.